In Blown Away Season 3 Episode 9, I was tasked to create a work of art that represented my greatest fear: “Unfulfilled Potential.”
As I was mulling over the possibilities of how this could be illustrated in a sculpture, it dawned on me… I AM living my greatest fear.
Throughout my time spent with my late husband, we banded together to curate the life that we had always dreamed of living. We worked tirelessly to afford to buy a home in Seattle, to have a studio fully run and operated at our own needs, and to provide ourselves with the means necessary to continue creating glass art for the rest of our lives – together.
When Jesse died, a big part of my dream died with him. We had worked without rest in manifesting our dreams, but at no point did we consider the possibility of a rare disease ripping us apart, tearing the fabric which our dreams were built upon.
This work was a recreation of a body of collaborative work that Jesse and I had started together. Now, left on my own, it is shrouded with darkness and wrought with emotional turmoil both symbolically and within the actual making of the piece. The glass utilizes techniques that he taught me in our time together as artistic partners, laden with melancholy hues of blue and engulfed in blackness.
Pictured left, “Cage Formations” made in collaboration with Jesse England – the muse
You can see the visual influence of “Cage Formations” as I continued this series of caged glass, but this time without Jesse – for the very first time, for everyone to witness.
My version introduced smashing the bubble open, as I remembered observing the final breaths of my partner, playing over and over again in my head.
The piece I made was titled, “Widow I Do Now,” connecting my very early grief days to the podcast (Widow We Do Now) that I listened to day in and day out just to make it through the long days. This podcast was the only thing that interrupted my heart wrenching sobbing and gave me the will the push forward.
Now, only 18 months from Jesse’s passing,
I too have joined the widows in my favorite podcast. I still believe that these stories carried me through the treacherous months following the untimely death of my spouse.
You can listen to my interview with Anita and Mel, two young widow’s who tell the stories of how we got here.
In Ep. 139 “Kicking Widowhood’s Glass” I tell my story of a widow’s unfulfilled potential.